Earned health but lost family [Hello Counselor / 2017.02.27]

Sorry. Did you know your son is bothered – about his skin? / – Yes. He’d gone in for a consultation. – With a doctor? / – Yes. He explained the process that would take two months including being admitted for a few days for surgery. He said the operation would cost 18,000 dollars. That’s a lot of money. Yes, so… – I couldn’t give an answer. / – Right. I told myself I’d do anything to get him the surgery.
As his mom, I didn’t want to ruin his future. I asked him to give me three years. I work in the kitchen of a restaurant. – I said I’d save up 500 dollars a month. / – Gosh. – Moms are just… / – I did the math and told him that I’d have the money in three years. – When I said that… / – My goodness. My son said, “You can barely make the money now.” “How will you manage to save that much up?” He told me I shouldn’t even bother trying. I wanted to do whatever I could to help. I work six days a week and get Sundays off. I have a part-time job on Sundays but… – Do you work part-time? / – Yes, but I’m here today.
Oh, dear. We asked a specialist and he said that removing skin could leave horrible scars. – It could cause worse stress. / – The scarring? Yes. So eat enough protein and lose that slowly. The operation could just cause more harm. I asked for a consultation. I hated my saggy skin, so I went to see a doctor. But… (Snorting) Did you just eat something? The scar looks like a cesarean section scar.
It goes across here. / – It would. – That scar would embarrass me more. / – Right. I’m so glad I didn’t go through with it. Believe in your body. You’re too desperate. Take your time. You’re an adult. Can’t you work? – Earn money. / – Right. I haven’t reached my goal yet. Can you not go outside at all? – I regained some weight once. / – I see. I regained 12kg in one go. – I started working out again. / – Hitting the gym. I overcame that only because I fit my schedule around my exercise regime. (Forget work. Just go out.)
Why were you so mean when she said she’d save up? My mother spends excessively. – How so? / – Give us an example. She buys a 3,000-dollar massage chair. – Does she? / – A 600-dollar indoor bicycle and a 350-dollar chair that’s supposed to improve blood circulation. Maybe she needs them. – Maybe she needs them. / – But she just uses them to hang washing to dry. I got an operation on both of my knees. Sitting here is so painful. – Straighten your legs. / – Straighten your legs. – Straighten your legs. / – It’s okay. – Straighten your legs. / – For her.
Michelle. (Straight out) My fourth and fifth vertebrae… Lie down. That’s too much. I had an operation two years ago. – I stand in a kitchen 12 hours a day. / – It’s tough. It’s hard on me and I can never fully recover. – You need a massage? / – The doctor said I needed to exercise my knee joints, so I bought the indoor bicycle. – I think my son thinks I buy that / – It’s a waste? instead of paying for his surgery.
I think he’s upset because he thinks I would have the money if I hadn’t bought those things. You’re aware that your mother’s in pain. – Yes. / – Have you ever – massaged her? / – Good question. No, never. Why not? I was too tired to. (He put his dieting first and ignored his mother.) We unknowingly think and assume that parents will always be there and will always help us. Let’s hear what the others have to say.
We have the mom’s sister-in-law. – Hello. / – Hello. What do you think about her concern? I was very frustrated at first. Whenever I visited their house, he’d never eat or leave his room. We worried whenever there was a family gathering. Considering that, his mom went right back to work the day after her surgery, so she could pay for whatever her son needed. It’s hard physically and mentally and she had no one to talk to about it.
It must’ve been so hard on her. Of the things your son said, which hurt you the most? I once lamented that I was upset and he said, “Did I ever upset you like some other sons” “by ending up at a police station?” “I lost 80kg through my own hard work” “and you never encouraged me.” “Why do you always scold and berate me?” He said that. I said I wanted to die. “You can’t even die.” “Don’t even say it. I’m sick of hearing it.” I couldn’t believe he’s actually my son.
That’s how I feel sometimes. Does your husband not scold him? My husband is indifferent towards our son. He doesn’t care. My daughter also. She doesn’t care about her brother. I think it’s true that they’re indifferent. When I first went on the diet, my family hurt me as well. How? One day I announced to them that I’d go on a diet. The first thing my dad said was, “A fool like you will never lose weight.” Whenever I went out in public with my mom, she walked apart from me. – Did she? / – Yes. She was embarrassed. She’d say she was too embarrassed to go out with me.
I thought I could get through to my sister, so I told her of my weight gain. “I think I have an eating disorder.” “I keep eating and vomiting and it’s hard.” The first thing she said was, “So what?” She should’ve encouraged you. – “So what?” / – That hurts. – I just wanted to be comforted. / – Of course. You’re clinging onto the past. – Don’t. / – To remember. It’s hurting the both of you.
This, I’m sure of. – You remember how everyone hurt you. / – Of course. – You won’t remember how you hurt them. / – Right. While you were on a diet or doing something… involved with the diet, you will have hurt – your father, mother, sister. / – Stretch your legs. That’s the truth. The things that hurt you and what hurt your mom – need to be talked about to be resolved. / – Yes. Only then will there be progress. (It’s time to talk!) Let’s meet the son’s friend. He must’ve heard a lot of things. Let’s meet him.
Hello. Hello. – Welcome. / – Hello. (The son’s best friend) How close friend are you to him? I’ve known Jiyong for ten years since middle school. – Jiyong’s weight went up to 160kg. / – Right. He stopped seeing everyone else but me. Do you think he needs to lose more weight? – He’s fine. / – He functions perfectly. No one thinks he’s fat. – I don’t think he needs to lose more. / – I agree.
He risks his life to lose weight and he won’t even see me. We only call each other. – Really? / – Yes. I hadn’t seen him in a while. – In a while? / – Yes. In how long? About two to three months. (They met in two to three months.) It’s a very important period. – You’re in your early 20s. / – It’s very important. You need to go out, meet people and get exposed and hurt.
That way, you grow calluses and thick skin that will protect you in your 30s and 40s. That way you can be happy. If you avoid people, fear getting hurt and shy away from what others think of you, you can’t become tough and you’ll suffer forever. You need to meet people. He has set the wrong goal. – You can’t focus on numbers. / – That’s wrong. An item of clothing you want to wear.
A lifestyle you want. – That can be a goal. / – Right. You have no such goal. You just have a number. What will you do once you reach that? I’d like to ask if you felt happy after losing weight. I did feel happy. About a year ago when my family saw how thin I have become, they started to smile at me and that spurred me on. I felt good and managed to lose 15kg in a month. I was quite happy until then.
Everyone here will think the same thing. You said you want to go down to 70kg. That’s your goal. The rest of the audience thinks you can stop dieting. – You did enough. / – That’s right. It’s just that you are dissatisfied. Your mom is stressed because you never leave your room. You are young and youth is beautiful. She thinks you’re wasting the best time of your life.
Ma’am, even if he were a bit plumper, wouldn’t you like him to go out and meet friends? I want nothing more than for him to live normally. I’m 161cm. My ideal weight is 55kg, and I’m way over that. I still… – do what I want. / – She’s confident. I can still have all the fun in the world. I do projects with great people and get to sit here with everyone and talk about great things.
No one would say to her, – “Your ideal weight is 55kg.” / – “You’re out.” – “I won’t work with you.” / – No way. I lived my whole life with an un-ideal weight. – And yet… / – You’re so confident. You’re shutting yourself up in your own ideas. Ma’am, what is your biggest concern? My son should be blooming. – He’s 24. / – Right. He needs to get married and set a life and career goal.
I haven’t seen him do or plan any of the sort. – I wonder if he’ll survive. / – He’s always at home. That is my biggest concern. What’s your dream? What was your initial dream? I don’t have one now. – No? / – Not now. – What about then? / – Was this your goal? What was your goal when you first went on a diet? I wanted to go out like an average person. – You are an average person. / – You are one. – You can go out now. / – Yes. – I do have a plan. / – What’s that? By February or March, whether I reach my weight goal or not, – I will go off my diet. / – Okay.
I plan to get a job and make a living. However, I try to tell my mom, she doesn’t take me seriously or believe me. I think that’s why she’s here. (Believe me now!) What’s would you like to say to your son? When you weighed 160kg, I considered the worst of the worst for us both. But now, you have lost half that weight. I want to applaud you and say I am proud of you. I am.
I want to brag about you. I hope we can talk more. – You need to. / – Discuss things. We are family. Let’s not hurt each other. I hope we can all get along. I want to say this to you, Jiyong. You lost the weight. Now it’s time to work. Become a true part of society and a member of your family. You need to do that as you lose weight. You need to step into society and get used to it.
I always lacked self-esteem and self-worth and didn’t believe it when a man said he liked me. I wondered what was wrong with him, if he was after my money. – I still have doubts. / – We all do. That’s just remnants of your low self-esteem talking. You need to pick yourself up. Your mom is sick. Your attitudes are making things worse. You need to cheer up and encourage each other.
Speak in a happier voice. – Everyone sounds so sick. / – That’s true. Speak in a higher voice. Hyeryeon, is this a worry for the mom? I want her to stop thinking of it. – And let him go? / – Yes. – Just trust him? / – Yes. – Haemi? / – Yes. I think that this is not a worry. Like I said before, you lost 80kg and that’s your weight worth in gold. I believe you can do something worth much more. It’s not a worry.
I also think it’s not a worry. You will find a woman who likes you as you are now. Instead of getting the surgery, buy a car and take her places. That would be better. You went that far? If you think this is a worry, press your button. (What does the audience think?) – In five, four, / – In five, four, – three, two, one. / – three, two, one. – Stop! / – Thank you. Son, say something to your mom.
Mom, I feel nothing but guilt and regret towards you. – He’s a good son. / – He’s crying now. He just couldn’t express it. I’m so sorry. What for? I think myself that I did nothing but hurt my parents. You can change. I need to change but I feel bad that I can’t. But I don’t know. I’m sorry. This is a start. – You can do it. / – Say you love her. – Good luck. / – You can do it! Well done.
Mom, your son’s tears mean so many things. I’m so glad you came on the show. I believe both your lives will change for the better. Let’s see how many votes we got. (The result) (Endless War) We have a four. (Did she bet “My Excruciating Love”?) Did we go over 100? 84 votes. (84 votes) Thank you.